*grumble*

You know what's a brilliant word? Bask.
To bask. Basking.
"I bask in my redundancy..." - Oh, Ed. Your lyrics. :)

You know what I don't like? Food-related idiomatic expressions (bitch, please).
Srsly.
WHY THE HELL ARE THERE SO MANY?
I asked someone today at work what I should blog about, and they said I should blog about Tim Minchin's Pope song, because it's easy to rant about, and I was like 'I can rant about anything! You know what I'm especially good at ranting about? FREAKING FOODhyphenRELATEDnonhyphenIDIOMS."
And that was the moment that wasn't awkward (unlike every other moment every single other person in the world seems to experience, which is another thing I could rant about) when I decided I would share with you my complete distaste (don't pardon the pun) for food-related idioms.

Here's a short list I'm compiling. Right now. On the spot.
Have your cake and eat it too.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
Apple of my eye.
Early bird catches the worm. (birdfood)
Bring home the bacon.
Butterfingers.
A piece of cake.
Different kettle of fish. (though this kind of fits into a whole new area of weird)
If life gives you lemons, stick them in your bra and make your boobs looke bigger make lemonade.
Don't cry over spilt milk.
Have a finger in every pie.
AND THERE ARE SO MANY MORE

I mean, seriously, why is this? I know we're people who pretty much live for the bread and butter of life (stupid idiomatic expressions, being so expressive. and idiomatic.) which pretty much includes food, sex, money and food, but there are not THAT many idioms about sex or money! Or anything else we like!
And so many of these expressions don't make sense!!
How does "the apple of my eye" make any sense? I mean, I could kind of see it with butterfingers, because you're clumsy because it's like you have butter on your fingers, but YOU NEVER EVER EVEN HAVE APPLES IN YOUR EYES AND IF YOU DO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE THINKING ABOUT HOW LOVELY SOMEONE ELSE IS.

This is how angry I get about stupid food expressions.
Ones involving mutton are the worst.
My least favourite is "hook your mutton" which, to the ignorant, means to hurry up.
But what I hate and fail to understand about this is, and I'm trying really hard not to hold down the caps lock, if I were hurrying to get somewhere or do something, you telling me to hook my mutton is only going to make me take LONGER because I would have to GO BACK AND PUT A HOOK ON MY MUTTON instead of just LEAVING or doing whatever it was I am meant to be doing!!!!!

Also, "mutton dressed as lamb", which means an older sheep, or 'person' dressing up as a young foal, I mean calf, I mean lamb, I mean person.
THIS. THIS. What?! First off, neither mutton NOR lamb NOR any sheep at any other stage in their life cycle ACTUALLY WEAR CLOTHES, so please explain to me how the heckers (the italics was so I didn't use more caps) a mutton is meant to dress as lamb?! They don't wear clothes. They can't dress as something.

I AM TOO ANGRY FOR THIS DISCUSSION RIGHT NOW. STUPID IDIOTIC IDIOMATIC EXPRESSIONS. I WILL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW.