BEDA was going SO WELL until I got to Odate with my brother and my hotel, which had no internet and while in the brief moments when I was at my brother's actual house I did have internet I wasn't in a blogging position, but I feel super disappointed because this was about the first time since the first year I did it that I was actually looking like I might complete it (it = BEDA). And YES, I did get back a few days ago and am only posting now, but I was pretty sick after travelling.
Which is this weird thing that's been happening recently. Like, in the last year, maybe year and a half, I've been getting sick all the time. Like, I've never really got any kind of motion sickness in my life, except for a manageable amount of sea sickness, but all of a sudden I started getting car sick and air sick and the nausea lasts ages after, and I vomit all the time (detail you need to know, I'm sure) from just food? And drinking, too. Like, I can't drink at all any more without feeling super nauseated from like, two sips of any vaguely alcoholic thing. It all started happening around the same time I started getting allergic to my cats, and started getting asthma (which I had never had any signs of ever before) and having dizzy spells, as well as probably when my recent episodes of depression started, but it's super whack because I feel like all of a sudden I'm this completely different person, physically. I mean, I've never defined myself as Someone Who Never Gets Car Sick or Someone Who Can Drink And It's Totally Fine or whatever, but I've always been a pretty healthy person who never really had any of that stuff that many kids have and everything. And now I do? I don't know. It's weird. And I don't know why it's happening and I'd kind of like to. I know that when you're tired you're more likely to feel dizzy and stuff, and given that I'm tired 100% of the time, that might be it but that doesn't explain the allergies and asthma and everything. I don't know, it's just kind of surreal, I feel like I'm in someone else's body or something. Because now there's all this stuff I can't do that I LIKE doing. Like, I LOVE flying and I love long flights, but now half the time I get nauseated in the first half hour and don't get better for two days or something.
Also, I know everyone says they're always tired (except kids, because admitting you're tired when you're a kid is like admitting to a crime where the punishment is going to bed - these days, I'd take someone instructing me to go the sleep as a blessing) but I actually think it's problematic for me? Like, I can't wake up in the morning unless a) someone physically wakes me, multiple times or b) I set multiple alarms and give myself time for at least two snoozes. And then I fall asleep in lectures, at work (my colleagues can vouch for the fact that I bring in a cushion and go into the empty office adjacent to ours and sleep during my lunch break), and in any moving vehicle (that I'm not controlling) if I'm in it longer than half an hour. And THEN the worst of the whole thing is that I'm tired ALL DAY, until about 8pm at night, when my mind wakes up, I don't feel tired any more, and I stupidly stay up until 11.19pm writing dumb whingy blog posts. And I'll go to bed now, right, because I will, and I'll sleep until 8.30 when my first alarm will go off, giving me between 8.5-9 hours sleep and I will still feel exhausted. Oh what a thrilling life I lead.
And now, I'll stop complaining (publicly, at least) and get some of this magical sleep thing. And you can take a moment to collect yourself after this RIP ROARING EXCITING WOW AWESOME THRILLZONE BLOG POST.