Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Stupid realisations made too late in life.

This is a collection of stupid things that I thought were true, up until the point where discovering the truth, and revealing the incorrectness of my thoughts, is just plain embarrassing.

Beginning with some festive cheer.

Thing: Mince pies
Truth: Most commonly pastry containing varied and minced fruits. Often covered with icing sugar.
Idiocy: While I am aware that there are mince pies that are entirely made of mince, like, meat mince, I am also aware that no one eats those. And by aware, I mean I recently became aware. Until recently, I thought that they all contained minced meat, not fruit, despite the fact that I had, on a number of occasions, actually eaten them. Yes, I'd eaten fruit mince pies, and still been utterly sure that all pies in the 'mince pie' genre (I like to think of my pies as genres) were composed entirely of meat. Even though it tasted like fruit. And I always wondered why my mince pies always tasted so much like fruit
Age of startling realisation: 18.

Thing: Mules
Truth: Animals that a similar to a donkey and similar to a horse. Make a weird groaning/braying noise.
Idiocy: Was told by my father (confirmed by my brother) that this animal, a cross between and horse and a donkey, in fact say "mule mule" in a rather deadpan, nasally tone. If you ever see me and remember, I will make the noise for you. My family assured me this was the noise mules made. I bought it.*
Age of startling realisation: ... 17

Thing: Hearth
Truth: The bit in front of a fireplace. Pronounced hahr-th
Idiocy: Thought it was pronounced her-th. This is made more embarrassing by the fact that I consider myself quite good at English, in that I have a wide vocabulary, always check the spelling of words of which I'm unsure, and use correct grammar, even in text messages. And I'd been saying this wrong for a long time. Not that I say heArth very much. But you know. Also made worse by the fact that my pronunciation seems logical. H-earth. But I guess so does heart-h. WHATEVER.
Age of startling realisation: 18 years, 6 months and 26 days old. And if you do the maths (and know my birthday) you'll have the startling realisation that this was about two months ago. Yep.

Thing: "Because We Want To"
Truth: A bad '90s pop song by Billie Piper, referred to only as 'Billie' in track listings
Idiocy: Perhaps more forgivable than some of the others, because my naivety is a result of a fact that a) Because We Want To wasn't actually my favourite song ever, so I didn't really pursue more music by the artist, and b) I didn't know who Billie Piper was then, and she had no significance in my life. Now, as a Doctor Who fan, I know who she is. I was aware that she did write (bad) pop songs, but I didn't think I'd ever heard any of them. UNTIL I went on an old web page that was talking about prospective Doctors to take over from 10th, and she was listed as one of them, and in her short bio, it mentioned "Because We Want To". It may not seem like a big thing, but I had the biggest "OHHHHHHH!!" moment.
Age of startling realisation: 18 (about a month ago)

Thing: Cloning in YouTube videos
Truth:YouTube vloggers quite frequently overlap images in their videos to make it seem as thought there are two or more of them. Often seen in Community Channel and Wheezy Waiter videos.
Idiocy: Now, if you know me, you'd know that I'm fairly fond of the YouTubes, and when I first started watching, I watched a few Community Channel videos, and some Charlie videos with clones, and I swear, the first three or four videos I watched with cloning, this is what was running through my head:
"Man, a lot of YouTubers are twins."
Following that, it was:
"And I don't think I've ever seen triplets before, but there are so many!"
I still haven't seen triplets.
There aren't that many.
I'm just stupid.
I'm pleased to say this didn't last long, but still, it was there.
I are smart.
Age of startling realisation: 18 (and after having watched about 4 videos with clones)

</embarrassing stories>
You owe me so bad, [insert reader name].

*I hate you guys.

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