Wednesday, 5 July 2017

My Brain

My brain can do fucking cartwheels.
My brain is the star performer at a circus
       or a freak show.
My brain could be balancing twelve plates on its nose,
       while standing on a beach ball and
       while singing Celine Dion and
       while juggling and
       while belly dancing and
       still manage to tell me what a fucking failure
                                                               disappointment
                                                               waste of oxygen
                                                               toxic person I am.

My brain is marvelous.
My brain is capable of twisting every thought
       beyond recognition.
My brain can take the most explicit compliment given to me and
       break it apart.
       Distort it.
       Bruise it.
       Shatter it.
       Annihilate it
                       me.

My brain is so strong and confident.
My brain knows exactly what it needs to think about myself and
       none of it is kind.
My brain is my most powerful weapon
       against myself.
       And boy, do I use it.
                                        boring
                                        predictable
                                        idiotic
                                        selfish
                                        poisonous
                                        unlovable
                                        pathetic
                                        weak
                                        desperate
                                        neurotic
                                        psychotic
                                        rejecte- I could go on.

My brain wants me to.
My brain is telling me all the ways that list is incomplete.
       Even this, I can't do right.
My brain has worn down the paths of my thoughts so well
       I literally can't conceive
       of a single
       positive trait
       about
       myself.
My brain is doing fucking cartwheels.

No comments:

Post a Comment